diff --git a/infra/website/content/blog/xxx_kill_twitter.md b/infra/website/content/blog/xxx_kill_twitter.md new file mode 100644 index 00000000000..6f3a0b2b9a7 --- /dev/null +++ b/infra/website/content/blog/xxx_kill_twitter.md @@ -0,0 +1,355 @@ +Title: Why I deleted my Twitter, and why maybe you should too +Category: Blog +Date: 2022-10-18 +Tags: culture, tech + +I deleted my Twitter account this month. It was a decision that I had +struggled with for months (if not years), and one that I want to talk +about. This article is a collection of thoughts gathered through +conversations with friends on this topic. I was advised to turn these +thoughts into a blog post. + +If you are struggling with your relationship to social media and +having a hard time cutting ties with some platform (in particular +Twitter), maybe this blog post will be helpful to you. + + +## Background + +I got addicted to Twitter in the run-up to the 2016 US election. I +was going through a bit of a moderate phase back then (sandwiched +between the punk days of my teens and the anarchy of today) and I +became part of "liberal twitter", consumed liberal memes, and enjoyed +dunking on conservatives. Of course I didn't think Trump would win. + +After the election results this behaviour intensified. I sought +refuge from the world that had shattered my understanding of society +by sliding deeper into the filter bubble that had sheltered me from +reality in the first place. And so I revelled in making fun of Trump +and his supporters, celebrating the "cofefes" and body shaming, and +intensively following the discourse (TM). Of course it didn't make me +any less miserable. + +The band-aid for the pain that I felt, the realisation that the world +didn't work the way I had swindled myself into believing, soon didn't +satisfy my need for comfort and so I became more dependent on instant +gratification through social media. *I was unable to truly comprehend +the extent to which I was addicted to the thing that was hurting me.* + +_Doom scrolling_ is a well known phenomenon in our terminally online +society and we talk about it as if it was unavoidable. As if it was +an individualist problem. We _know_ that it is bad for our mental +health, yet rarely do we talk about it on a systemic level. Why do we +all put up with these circumstances and why do we all keep making +excuses for the systems that make us miserable? This, to me, is the +core of how many people engage with modern social media platforms. + +I had taken longer breaks from Twitter before, deleting the app off my +phone, bargaining with myself about how much I wanted to share. But I +always fell back into its orbit. I feel it's appropriate to use the +language of addiction around this subject. And it wasn't until I +truly admitted to myself that I had a problem that I was able to let +go and examine the frameworks through which I had engaged with online +society, and the impact that these systems had had on me and my life. + +In the following sections of this article I want to outline some of +the mechanisms that have kept me hooked for so long and have made it +_extremely difficult_ to escape its consequences. Lastly I also want +to talk about a possible way out and some alternatives as to how to +engage with _the online_. + + +## The fear of missing out + +Social media weaponises "FOMO", the _fear of missing out_. Twitter is +particularly good at this, advertising itself as the platform "to know +what's happening". _Twitter users know it first_ is the actual +current tag-line to entice you into signing up. + +I believe social media has had the strangle-hold over our collective +psyche at least in part because "we" have designed a society where +being outside your own home is miserable, exhausting, and toxic. To +have a good time outside you need to spend money, or you need to +engage in some kind of social event. Merely the act of *being +outside* is punished through car-centric design and architecture. Not +to mention the noise that personal motor vehicles cause and their +effect on the mental well being of city dwellers. I have been +fortunate in a way, living in the suburbs of Berlin (for the time +being), meaning that I only have to walk for about 5 minutes before I +end up in the Brandenburg forest. + +This has actually been a life-saver. It has meant that I was able to +escape stressful situations over the last few years (of which there +have been _too many_) by going for a walk, disconnecting through +nature, and re-grounding myself in a very basic way. It seems silly +to even talk about this but having the ability to _go for nice a walk_ +has been linked to a significant improvement of mental health +[^nature]. + +The unfortunate reality is, that many people do not have access to +this basic human need, and so, social media can often seem like an +enticing alternative. This is an especially important angle +considering the way addictive design is used in social media apps to +give you a false sense of gratification. + +Over the last decade we have all become more _and more_ aware of +global events to the detriment of our collective mental health. +Permanently wired into "what's happening" creates the illusion of +control, where none is possible. _I'm not arguing for ignorance here +either_. I don't think that shutting yourself off to what is +happening in the world is a reasonable alternative. But we _must +examine_ the ways that our current modus operandi is damaging to us. +We must especially become aware of how the _fear of missing out_ will +drive us to engage for longer and beyond our personal limits to handle +the stress that knowing the horrors of the global capitalist system +causes within us. + + +## Becoming a brand + +When I created my Twitter account back in 2012 it was for me to +shit-post about video games, and to keep in touch with various friends +around my life. Around 2017 a slow shift started to appear in the way +that I used my account. It was gradual, and imperceptibly to me at +first. Over time I was changing from _being a person_ to _being a +brand_. This will probably not be everyone's experience. I know +people who are 100% the same in person as they are on Twitter (even +with large-ish follower counts) and I assume this is not a problem +that everyone is going to have. + +Still, it is something that I have struggled with, and that I _know_ +people much "larger" than me are also straggling with. My audience +on Twitter was still relatively small, yet I stopped feeling confident +in being able to share myself as-is on the site. In one part this was +because it made me uncomfortable to share intimate and private parts +of my life with thousands of people online that I didn't know. In +other parts it was because my political and societal outlook shifted +and radicalised. My views became less socially acceptable, and so, I +started filtering myself online. This was small at first, but over +time it built up a wall between me and my Twitter brand. + +On one hand I felt this weird obligation to use my platform, *to +leverage* the following that I had for the work that I was doing and +that was important to me. On the other hand I felt repulsed by the +idea of having to pretend to be someone I wasn't to be accepted. + +I want to quickly explore the shape and form of online communities +(through my experience obviously -- I have done some research into +this but sociologically things are more complex than this) because I +think it will be helpful to explain how this shift from "person" to +"brand" happened. + +Broadly speaking, internet communities fall onto a spectrum between +*specialist* and *generalistic*. + +Specialist communities are those built around a specific common +interest. This could be part of your identity, it might be a hobby, +or it might be a shared profession. It's important to know that this +is only a _part_ of you and while it's easy to find people who are +also into _this thing_, often any other overlap is coincidental or not +guaranteed to result in connections that you will want to maintain. +In my experience these communities end up feeling shallow because the +social overlap is limited to a particular subject. It is certainly +possible to build otherwise nuanced relationships with people in these +spaces, but it's not as easy. + +(Again, this model has its limitations, especially for communities by +marginalised folks, where a shared life experience provides a common +backdrop to society that influences every other aspect of someone's +life.) + +Generalist communities are those that are polymorphic, meaning that a +(more or less) diverse crowd of people come together (maybe under a +_very_ loosely defined banner) to talk to each other. While it will be +possible to meet people who share a wide variety of interests to you, +it can also feel like searching for a needle in a hay stack because +there are a lot of people, and finding potential friends in a huge +diverse crowd of people who you may not have many things in common +with can be difficult. + +Most social media sites will reflect any number of community +variations on this spectrum and Twitter is no exception in that. +There are subtle differences in how these categories work depending on +how you engage with the platform. In my time on Twitter as an +individual I felt like I was building multiple sets of specialist +communities. Once I _became a brand_ however this shifted and the +focus relied more on building a generalist audience. No longer could +I assume that my followers were sympathetic to me, and so came the +consequences of presenting my authentic self in front of an +ever-increasing crowd of judges. + + +## The algorithm & the timeline + +A few years ago social media platforms started pushing for +algorithmically curated timelines. At first this caused an uproar, +when users stopped seeing their friends' posts in their feed and +instead started seeing random sponsored content; whether someone had +paid for it or merely _engaged with it_. At this point you will also +see content recommendations from groups and hashtags. + +But this controversy died down over time, as could maybe have been +expected. Ironically running a poll on Twitter these days whether +people use the algorithmic or chronological timelines yields in a +heavy filter bias, which "shows" that most people are using the +chronological timeline. Of course, most of your followers won't +actually see your post in the end. + +Algorithmic timeline design is at the centre of modern corporate +social media sites. The goal is no longer to facilitate meaningful +exchange between users and instead the focus has shifted to keeping +users "engaged" for longer. The customers are ad-buyers and the +commodity is your time. This is another open secret that we all +conveniently ignore. _You may think that you are above this_, that +you can't be manipulated into spending more and more of your precious +time on this planet in front of your phone or laptop, refreshing, +scrolling, refreshing, scrolling, but considering that the designs of +these tools fall prey to their own creations [^sd], you are not. + +Importantly algorithms are also arbiters of content, and in the ideal +case, equalisers. Someone with very few followers can have a post +"blow up" if the algorithm blesses it, and someone with many followers +can have their work buried if the algorithm deems it unsuitable. +This might not be a problem for your shit posts. But when you try to +use a platform to advertise your work, especially when you are +financially dependent on it, this can be a scary prospect. + +Twitter is by far not the worst platform for this, nor is it the one +with the worst effect. Sites like YouTube, where artists spend +hundreds of hours creating videos, are much more affected by this. +But the mechanisms are fundamentally the same. + + +## Social capital vs. Perceived social capital + +Algorithmic timelines on Twitter feed into the dilemma between our +_perceived_ social capital and our _actual_ social capital. Social +media has largely become mandatory for branding, for advertising your +work in some way. Especially if you are self employed or an artist of +any kind, your livelihood may depend on your ability to promote your +work and getting whatever you are doing in front of the eye balls of +other people. Having a large following on Twitter will definitely +help with this, but it's by no means a guarantee. Other platforms +suffer from this too (again: see problems that smaller YouTube +creators face[^salari] that those who have "made it" no longer do). + +I think this is the aspect that I struggled with the longest. I +didn't judge my Twitter account by the actual social capital that I +gained from it, I judged it by the _perceived social capital_ that I +thought to gain from sticking around. The reality of the situation +was that any time I would genuinely talk about my work, advertise +something that I had made or was proud of, my Twitter audience was +useless. Almost as an insult the most popular of my posts were shit +posts. Having recently talked about this with some friends, both with +smaller and significantly larger audiences, this seems to be an almost +universal experience. + +It's extremely difficult to distinguish these two values and to really +understand what actual benefit you are gaining from sticking around on +a platform. A lot of it is going to be projection. And fantasies +will make it hard to quit. Don't think about the one time your work +was valued, think about the hundred times that your work felt ignored. + + +## Elon Musk is going to buy Twitter + +~You may not like it, but it is going to happen~[^musk] (in fact I +took so long to edit this post that it already has[^musk2]. Elon Musk +is a sad, unremarkable little man who keeps failing his way to the top +because our society is set up to reward the son of an apartheid +business man while punishing anyone with actual talent, who didn't +have the common sense to be born rich. + +I don't think Musk is particularly evil, he's not intelligent or +cunning enough for that. And he's not _especially_ bad in how he runs +his companies or how he exploits his employees (he's your _exceedingly +average_ union busting bastard). He's just another Billionaire. + +Twitter has a lot of Elon Musks that all use it for their personal +gain. Twitter benefits from drama and have maintained it for years. +At this point I don't think anything is going to stop certain people +from leaving Twitter. No design changes to the platform did it, +Donald Trump didn't do it, and this acquisition by a wanna-be +intellectual entrepreneur (sounds like an oxymoron) won't do it either. + +Personally I've had enough and don't want to make excuses anymore. + + +## In conclusion + +I was in London at the beginning of October, watching the closing +performance of [The Prince] at the Southwark Playhouse. After the +play I walked around Elephant & Castle with a friend and we talked +about social media and the performances we all play for each other (in +line with the play, which you should definitely watch on or offline if +you have the chance). It was in that moment that I went "fuck it". + +We only get so many years on this planet and the world is a truly +horrific and heart breaking place. And we are going to need all of +our collective strength to change things. If we even still can. One +thing I am certain of however: _social media is not going to help us_. + +Corporate social media has been designed to keep us engaged to the +detriment of our mental health. Being informed of something happening +does not increase your agency over the situation. In most cases it is +going to remove your agency. + +Delete your Twitter account. You can do it. I believe in you :) + + +## Aftermath + +One _last_ thing I want to talk about is alternatives. I am still +online, I still talk to friends. I even, in a sense, still have a +public persona. I use [the fediverse] to advertise my work, and have +done so for years. In fact, every time I posted something on Twitter, +I also posted in on fedi. The differences in feedback were +astounding. It wasn't that _every_ post got a lot of attention, but +the ones I truly cared about did. Not only were they widely shared, +they created _conversation_... honest to god feedback, discussion, and +interest. Something practically unknown to me on Twitter. + +Now... as a certain TV writer posted on mastodon.social back in 2017: +"I wonder if being on here during my twitter breaks is like when I +tried to quit smoking using cigars", and he might be right (love your +work Dan). + +I think the crux of the issue is how you approach your use of +technology. And what kind of interactions that technology fosters. I +don't want to turn this article around in the afterword and incinuate +that any problematic relationship with social media is your own fault. +It isn't. _But_, I think you have more power over your habits that +you give yourself credit for. + +I have three accounts on the fediverse: a public one, where I post +realistically the same stuff I posted on brand-Twitter before it made +me miserable, a semi-public one, where I share selfies, random things +I'm working on, and a sort of micro-blog, and a private one where I +talk to just close friends. The expectation to have multiple accounts +with varying degrees of publicness is ingrained into the fediverse in +a way that I've never really seen it on Twitter. + +And yet, I wonder how much time I spend on the elephant website and +whether it is useful to my life. In the end everything is a balancing +act. And while I can still see a lot of good reasons to stick around +on the fediverse (imperfect as it may be[^mstd]), I can no +longer say the same for Twitter. + +As Elon Musk buys Twitter and you find yourself wondering where to +take your online self, do consider to stop by the fediverse. But +please don't use a switch in platform as an excuse to not examine the +underlying relationships you have with _the online_. + +[^nature]: + [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-15004-0](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-15004-0) +[^sd]: Watch "The Social Dilemma (2020)". It's not a _great_ + documentary in my opinion as it falls short in its analysis of + what social media and the manipulation of public opinion actually + means, outside of a very narrow "someone help me balance this, my + democracy is dying" but there are some insightful interviews in + there by people who have worked on various social media sites + talking about their own experiences with social media addiction. +[^salari]: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HiNVQkamA4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HiNVQkamA4) +[^musk]: [https://www.theverge.com/2022/10/7/23391646/elon-musk-twitter-filings-acquisition-deposition-schedule](https://www.theverge.com/2022/10/7/23391646/elon-musk-twitter-filings-acquisition-deposition-schedule) +[^musk2]: [https://www.reuters.com/markets/deals/elon-musk-completes-44-bln-acquisition-twitter-2022-10-28/](https://www.reuters.com/markets/deals/elon-musk-completes-44-bln-acquisition-twitter-2022-10-28/) +[^mstd]: [https://sporks.space/2021/02/02/mastodon-really-is-crumbling-and-it-will-only-get-worse/](https://sporks.space/2021/02/02/mastodon-really-is-crumbling-and-it-will-only-get-worse/)