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+Title: Why I deleted my Twitter, and why maybe you should too
+Category: Blog
+Date: 2022-10-18
+Tags: culture, tech
+
+I deleted my Twitter account this month.  It was a decision that I had
+struggled with for months (if not years), and one that I want to talk
+about.  This article is a collection of thoughts gathered through
+conversations with friends on this topic.  I was advised to turn these
+thoughts into a blog post.
+
+If you are struggling with your relationship to social media and
+having a hard time cutting ties with some platform (in particular
+Twitter), maybe this blog post will be helpful to you.
+
+
+## Background
+
+I got addicted to Twitter in the run-up to the 2016 US election.  I
+was going through a bit of a moderate phase back then (sandwiched
+between the punk days of my teens and the anarchy of today) and I
+became part of "liberal twitter", consumed liberal memes, and enjoyed
+dunking on conservatives.  Of course I didn't think Trump would win.
+
+After the election results this behaviour intensified.  I sought
+refuge from the world that had shattered my understanding of society
+by sliding deeper into the filter bubble that had sheltered me from
+reality in the first place.  And so I revelled in making fun of Trump
+and his supporters, celebrating the "cofefes" and body shaming, and
+intensively following the discourse (TM).  Of course it didn't make me
+any less miserable.
+
+The band-aid for the pain that I felt, the realisation that the world
+didn't work the way I had swindled myself into believing, soon didn't
+satisfy my need for comfort and so I became more dependent on instant
+gratification through social media.  *I was unable to truly comprehend
+the extent to which I was addicted to the thing that was hurting me.*
+
+_Doom scrolling_ is a well known phenomenon in our terminally online
+society and we talk about it as if it was unavoidable.  As if it was
+an individualist problem.  We _know_ that it is bad for our mental
+health, yet rarely do we talk about it on a systemic level.  Why do we
+all put up with these circumstances and why do we all keep making
+excuses for the systems that make us miserable?  This, to me, is the
+core of how many people engage with modern social media platforms.
+
+I had taken longer breaks from Twitter before, deleting the app off my
+phone, bargaining with myself about how much I wanted to share.  But I
+always fell back into its orbit.  I feel it's appropriate to use the
+language of addiction around this subject.  And it wasn't until I
+truly admitted to myself that I had a problem that I was able to let
+go and examine the frameworks through which I had engaged with online
+society, and the impact that these systems had had on me and my life.
+
+In the following sections of this article I want to outline some of
+the mechanisms that have kept me hooked for so long and have made it
+_extremely difficult_ to escape its consequences.  Lastly I also want
+to talk about a possible way out and some alternatives as to how to
+engage with _the online_.
+
+
+## The fear of missing out
+
+Social media weaponises "FOMO", the _fear of missing out_.  Twitter is
+particularly good at this, advertising itself as the platform "to know
+what's happening".  _Twitter users know it first_ is the actual
+current tag-line to entice you into signing up.
+
+I believe social media has had the strangle-hold over our collective
+psyche at least in part because "we" have designed a society where
+being outside your own home is miserable, exhausting, and toxic.  To
+have a good time outside you need to spend money, or you need to
+engage in some kind of social event.  Merely the act of *being
+outside* is punished through car-centric design and architecture.  Not
+to mention the noise that personal motor vehicles cause and their
+effect on the mental well being of city dwellers.  I have been
+fortunate in a way, living in the suburbs of Berlin (for the time
+being), meaning that I only have to walk for about 5 minutes before I
+end up in the Brandenburg forest.
+
+This has actually been a life-saver.  It has meant that I was able to
+escape stressful situations over the last few years (of which there
+have been _too many_) by going for a walk, disconnecting through
+nature, and re-grounding myself in a very basic way.  It seems silly
+to even talk about this but having the ability to _go for nice a walk_
+has been linked to a significant improvement of mental health
+[^nature].
+
+The unfortunate reality is, that many people do not have access to
+this basic human need, and so, social media can often seem like an
+enticing alternative.  This is an especially important angle
+considering the way addictive design is used in social media apps to
+give you a false sense of gratification.
+
+Over the last decade we have all become more _and more_ aware of
+global events to the detriment of our collective mental health.
+Permanently wired into "what's happening" creates the illusion of
+control, where none is possible.  _I'm not arguing for ignorance here
+either_.  I don't think that shutting yourself off to what is
+happening in the world is a reasonable alternative.  But we _must
+examine_ the ways that our current modus operandi is damaging to us.
+We must especially become aware of how the _fear of missing out_ will
+drive us to engage for longer and beyond our personal limits to handle
+the stress that knowing the horrors of the global capitalist system
+causes within us.
+
+
+## Becoming a brand
+
+When I created my Twitter account back in 2012 it was for me to
+shit-post about video games, and to keep in touch with various friends
+around my life.  Around 2017 a slow shift started to appear in the way
+that I used my account.  It was gradual, and imperceptibly to me at
+first.  Over time I was changing from _being a person_ to _being a
+brand_.  This will probably not be everyone's experience.  I know
+people who are 100% the same in person as they are on Twitter (even
+with large-ish follower counts) and I assume this is not a problem
+that everyone is going to have.
+
+Still, it is something that I have struggled with, and that I _know_
+people much "larger" than me are also straggling with.  My audience
+on Twitter was still relatively small, yet I stopped feeling confident
+in being able to share myself as-is on the site.  In one part this was
+because it made me uncomfortable to share intimate and private parts
+of my life with thousands of people online that I didn't know.  In
+other parts it was because my political and societal outlook shifted
+and radicalised.  My views became less socially acceptable, and so, I
+started filtering myself online.  This was small at first, but over
+time it built up a wall between me and my Twitter brand.
+
+On one hand I felt this weird obligation to use my platform, *to
+leverage* the following that I had for the work that I was doing and
+that was important to me.  On the other hand I felt repulsed by the
+idea of having to pretend to be someone I wasn't to be accepted.
+
+I want to quickly explore the shape and form of online communities
+(through my experience obviously -- I have done some research into
+this but sociologically things are more complex than this) because I
+think it will be helpful to explain how this shift from "person" to
+"brand" happened.
+
+Broadly speaking, internet communities fall onto a spectrum between
+*specialist* and *generalistic*.
+
+Specialist communities are those built around a specific common
+interest.  This could be part of your identity, it might be a hobby,
+or it might be a shared profession.  It's important to know that this
+is only a _part_ of you and while it's easy to find people who are
+also into _this thing_, often any other overlap is coincidental or not
+guaranteed to result in connections that you will want to maintain.
+In my experience these communities end up feeling shallow because the
+social overlap is limited to a particular subject.  It is certainly
+possible to build otherwise nuanced relationships with people in these
+spaces, but it's not as easy.
+
+(Again, this model has its limitations, especially for communities by
+marginalised folks, where a shared life experience provides a common
+backdrop to society that influences every other aspect of someone's
+life.)
+
+Generalist communities are those that are polymorphic, meaning that a
+(more or less) diverse crowd of people come together (maybe under a
+_very_ loosely defined banner) to talk to each other.  While it will be
+possible to meet people who share a wide variety of interests to you,
+it can also feel like searching for a needle in a hay stack because
+there are a lot of people, and finding potential friends in a huge
+diverse crowd of people who you may not have many things in common
+with can be difficult.
+
+Most social media sites will reflect any number of community
+variations on this spectrum and Twitter is no exception in that.
+There are subtle differences in how these categories work depending on
+how you engage with the platform.  In my time on Twitter as an
+individual I felt like I was building multiple sets of specialist
+communities.  Once I _became a brand_ however this shifted and the
+focus relied more on building a generalist audience.  No longer could
+I assume that my followers were sympathetic to me, and so came the
+consequences of presenting my authentic self in front of an
+ever-increasing crowd of judges.
+
+
+## The algorithm & the timeline
+
+A few years ago social media platforms started pushing for
+algorithmically curated timelines.  At first this caused an uproar,
+when users stopped seeing their friends' posts in their feed and
+instead started seeing random sponsored content; whether someone had
+paid for it or merely _engaged with it_.  At this point you will also
+see content recommendations from groups and hashtags.
+
+But this controversy died down over time, as could maybe have been
+expected.  Ironically running a poll on Twitter these days whether
+people use the algorithmic or chronological timelines yields in a
+heavy filter bias, which "shows" that most people are using the
+chronological timeline.  Of course, most of your followers won't
+actually see your post in the end.
+
+Algorithmic timeline design is at the centre of modern corporate
+social media sites.  The goal is no longer to facilitate meaningful
+exchange between users and instead the focus has shifted to keeping
+users "engaged" for longer.  The customers are ad-buyers and the
+commodity is your time.  This is another open secret that we all
+conveniently ignore.  _You may think that you are above this_, that
+you can't be manipulated into spending more and more of your precious
+time on this planet in front of your phone or laptop, refreshing,
+scrolling, refreshing, scrolling, but considering that the designs of
+these tools fall prey to their own creations [^sd], you are not.
+
+Importantly algorithms are also arbiters of content, and in the ideal
+case, equalisers.  Someone with very few followers can have a post
+"blow up" if the algorithm blesses it, and someone with many followers
+can have their work buried if the algorithm deems it unsuitable.
+This might not be a problem for your shit posts.  But when you try to
+use a platform to advertise your work, especially when you are
+financially dependent on it, this can be a scary prospect.
+
+Twitter is by far not the worst platform for this, nor is it the one
+with the worst effect.  Sites like YouTube, where artists spend
+hundreds of hours creating videos, are much more affected by this.
+But the mechanisms are fundamentally the same.
+
+
+## Social capital vs. Perceived social capital
+
+Algorithmic timelines on Twitter feed into the dilemma between our
+_perceived_ social capital and our _actual_ social capital.  Social
+media has largely become mandatory for branding, for advertising your
+work in some way.  Especially if you are self employed or an artist of
+any kind, your livelihood may depend on your ability to promote your
+work and getting whatever you are doing in front of the eye balls of
+other people.  Having a large following on Twitter will definitely
+help with this, but it's by no means a guarantee.  Other platforms
+suffer from this too (again: see problems that smaller YouTube
+creators face[^salari] that those who have "made it" no longer do).
+
+I think this is the aspect that I struggled with the longest.  I
+didn't judge my Twitter account by the actual social capital that I
+gained from it, I judged it by the _perceived social capital_ that I
+thought to gain from sticking around.  The reality of the situation
+was that any time I would genuinely talk about my work, advertise
+something that I had made or was proud of, my Twitter audience was
+useless.  Almost as an insult the most popular of my posts were shit
+posts.  Having recently talked about this with some friends, both with
+smaller and significantly larger audiences, this seems to be an almost
+universal experience.
+
+It's extremely difficult to distinguish these two values and to really
+understand what actual benefit you are gaining from sticking around on
+a platform.  A lot of it is going to be projection.  And fantasies
+will make it hard to quit.  Don't think about the one time your work
+was valued, think about the hundred times that your work felt ignored.
+
+
+## Elon Musk is going to buy Twitter
+
+~You may not like it, but it is going to happen~[^musk] (in fact I
+took so long to edit this post that it already has[^musk2].  Elon Musk
+is a sad, unremarkable little man who keeps failing his way to the top
+because our society is set up to reward the son of an apartheid
+business man while punishing anyone with actual talent, who didn't
+have the common sense to be born rich.
+
+I don't think Musk is particularly evil, he's not intelligent or
+cunning enough for that.  And he's not _especially_ bad in how he runs
+his companies or how he exploits his employees (he's your _exceedingly
+average_ union busting bastard).  He's just another Billionaire.
+
+Twitter has a lot of Elon Musks that all use it for their personal
+gain.  Twitter benefits from drama and have maintained it for years.
+At this point I don't think anything is going to stop certain people
+from leaving Twitter.  No design changes to the platform did it,
+Donald Trump didn't do it, and this acquisition by a wanna-be
+intellectual entrepreneur (sounds like an oxymoron) won't do it either.
+
+Personally I've had enough and don't want to make excuses anymore.
+
+
+## In conclusion
+
+I was in London at the beginning of October, watching the closing
+performance of [The Prince] at the Southwark Playhouse.  After the
+play I walked around Elephant & Castle with a friend and we talked
+about social media and the performances we all play for each other (in
+line with the play, which you should definitely watch on or offline if
+you have the chance).  It was in that moment that I went "fuck it".
+
+We only get so many years on this planet and the world is a truly
+horrific and heart breaking place.  And we are going to need all of
+our collective strength to change things.  If we even still can.  One
+thing I am certain of however: _social media is not going to help us_.
+
+Corporate social media has been designed to keep us engaged to the
+detriment of our mental health.  Being informed of something happening
+does not increase your agency over the situation.  In most cases it is
+going to remove your agency.
+
+Delete your Twitter account.  You can do it.  I believe in you :)
+
+
+## Aftermath
+
+One _last_ thing I want to talk about is alternatives.  I am still
+online, I still talk to friends.  I even, in a sense, still have a
+public persona.  I use [the fediverse] to advertise my work, and have
+done so for years.  In fact, every time I posted something on Twitter,
+I also posted in on fedi.  The differences in feedback were
+astounding.  It wasn't that _every_ post got a lot of attention, but
+the ones I truly cared about did.  Not only were they widely shared,
+they created _conversation_... honest to god feedback, discussion, and
+interest.  Something practically unknown to me on Twitter.
+
+Now... as a certain TV writer posted on mastodon.social back in 2017:
+"I wonder if being on here during my twitter breaks is like when I
+tried to quit smoking using cigars", and he might be right (love your
+work Dan).
+
+I think the crux of the issue is how you approach your use of
+technology.  And what kind of interactions that technology fosters.  I
+don't want to turn this article around in the afterword and incinuate
+that any problematic relationship with social media is your own fault.
+It isn't.  _But_, I think you have more power over your habits that
+you give yourself credit for.
+
+I have three accounts on the fediverse: a public one, where I post
+realistically the same stuff I posted on brand-Twitter before it made
+me miserable, a semi-public one, where I share selfies, random things
+I'm working on, and a sort of micro-blog, and a private one where I
+talk to just close friends.  The expectation to have multiple accounts
+with varying degrees of publicness is ingrained into the fediverse in
+a way that I've never really seen it on Twitter.
+
+And yet, I wonder how much time I spend on the elephant website and
+whether it is useful to my life.  In the end everything is a balancing
+act.  And while I can still see a lot of good reasons to stick around
+on the fediverse (imperfect as it may be[^mstd]), I can no
+longer say the same for Twitter.
+
+As Elon Musk buys Twitter and you find yourself wondering where to
+take your online self, do consider to stop by the fediverse.  But
+please don't use a switch in platform as an excuse to not examine the
+underlying relationships you have with _the online_.
+
+[^nature]:
+    [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-15004-0](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-15004-0)
+[^sd]: Watch "The Social Dilemma (2020)".  It's not a _great_
+    documentary in my opinion as it falls short in its analysis of
+    what social media and the manipulation of public opinion actually
+    means, outside of a very narrow "someone help me balance this, my
+    democracy is dying" but there are some insightful interviews in
+    there by people who have worked on various social media sites
+    talking about their own experiences with social media addiction.
+[^salari]: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HiNVQkamA4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HiNVQkamA4)
+[^musk]: [https://www.theverge.com/2022/10/7/23391646/elon-musk-twitter-filings-acquisition-deposition-schedule](https://www.theverge.com/2022/10/7/23391646/elon-musk-twitter-filings-acquisition-deposition-schedule)
+[^musk2]: [https://www.reuters.com/markets/deals/elon-musk-completes-44-bln-acquisition-twitter-2022-10-28/](https://www.reuters.com/markets/deals/elon-musk-completes-44-bln-acquisition-twitter-2022-10-28/)
+[^mstd]: [https://sporks.space/2021/02/02/mastodon-really-is-crumbling-and-it-will-only-get-worse/](https://sporks.space/2021/02/02/mastodon-really-is-crumbling-and-it-will-only-get-worse/)